I am a complete ******* moron

Discussion in 'SF Lounge' started by Stamps Rule, Jun 16, 2012.

  1. Stamps Rule

    Stamps Rule Member

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    So I used up my one "come have the Calgary police service clear your house with guns drawn for free" card tonight.

    Long version:

    I've had a lawn chair inside my truck that's been there for about a week that I've been too lazy to put back inside my house. So before I head out to the game tonight, I decided that before I leave that I'm going to finally take care of it. I walk outside, fire up my truck, grab the lawn chair and as I'm taking it out of my truck, I think to myself "self, be lazy and just put it beside your shed and go watch the game".

    So I did.

    And in the meantime, I left the front door to my house wide open.

    So I pull out and don't look back.

    As I'm walking back to my truck after the game (we park just west of the stadium and walk in) I look at my phone and have 3 missed phone calls, two from restricted numbers and one from someone I don't know. Alright, 3 missed calls from 10:10 - 10:23pm from numbers I don't recognize, that's unusual for me. I also have one voice mail, so I bring it up, and this is what I hear:

    "Hello, XXXXXX. This is Constable XXXXXXX with the Calgary police service. One of your neighbors called in to inform us that the front door to your residence has been left unsecured for a period of a few hours. My partner and I swept your house and found nothing. Please call us back to let us know what your situation is at XXX-XXX-XXXX. We will be here until about 4:00am. Thank you, good bye".

    About this time, I'm thinking that one of my friends is pranking me....but something didn't feel quite right.

    So I get in my truck and drive home.

    I park on the street and everything looks normal. As I'm getting out of my truck, my neighbor that I've only spoken with once in 5 years comes over and says: "hey man, you left your door open, so I called the cops because I didn't want to go in by myself".

    About this time I'm thinking: holy **** Stamps Rule - you are a ****** retard.

    So I shake his hand and thank him and he explains how everything went down.

    Apparently one cruiser with two cops shows up and parks on the street. They walk up to my house, draw their guns and start screaming "CALGARY POLICE SERVICE, IS THERE ANYBODY INSIDE! CALGARY POLICE SERVICE, IS THERE ANYBODY INSIDE!"

    They swept the house and turned on all the lights and determined that I wasn't there and there was no problem (other than a clueless
    homeowner ).

    Here's the funny part (I think). :-/

    I have a fake grenade and two spent .50cal cartridges that I bought from the Calgary gun show a few years ago on a shelf above the TV (these are legal, but the grenade could have caused an obvious problem).

    I have a piece of framed art that in large, bold letters says: "I DON'T CALL 9-1-1" and below that features a darkened outline of a Glock 17 hung in my living room.

    I have two large gun safes downstairs.

    AND - I have a bumper sticker on my fridge that says: "SUPPORT THE POLICE - BEAT YOURSELF UP" AND a hat that I bought at the Calgary gun show this year that has an embroidered picture of an M-16 with the words "come and take it" below the gun, resting on top of my love seat.

    So I finish up thanking my neighbor and head inside. The first thing I checked was if the door was locked or not because I have an electronic door lock on it that allows you to lock the door with the press of a button. They had locked the door before leaving. :D

    Nothing looks like it's been touched or moved. There are no footprints, and everything is there.

    So now that I'm not so stressed out, I pour a drink and get ready to call the cops back.

    The officer was polite and informed me that my neighbor had called because my front door was left open that he was concerned for my welfare. He said that he had "cleared" my house and asked if everything was okay. I explained that I had left it open because of my own forgetfulness and that everything seemed fine.

    He informed me that I was very lucky because I live in an area with some "unsavory characters" (Dover :-/ )and that "(he) had noticed my large collection of guns downstairs (in the safes) and was worried that someone might have tampered with the safes". (my gun "collection" in reality isn't all that "large" :dodgy: ).

    I informed him that that wasn't the case, thanked him for his time and hung up.

    He didn't say anything about the grenade, .50 cal cases, hat, artwork or bumper sticker.

    So yeah, that's how my night ended. :rolleyes:

    Between the last few minutes of the game and what happened afterwords, it's been an exciting night. :D
     
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  2. iso_55

    iso_55 Member

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    You had quite the night SR. Glad it all ended well. Nice to know your neighbour cared enough to call the cops. What a story!!
     
  3. Tundra Mustang

    Tundra Mustang Moderator
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    See, SR, "the policemen are our friends...!" :D

    I'm glad for you that things turned out as they did, because, as you can well imagine, matters could've taken a decidedly different turn.

    From a couple of perspectives.

    The most obvious one being the possibility of being cleaned out while you were gone, although it sounds as though your watchful neighbour had your back on that one, anyway. ;)

    The other one being the result of the police investigation; had you left anything in plain view which was of "interest" to them, there is nothing your vigilant neighbour could have done about what followed, since something incidentally seen in concert with a legitimate enquiry by the police about a citizen's welfare would be entirely admissible in any proceedings brought as a result.

    The moral of the story is "A man's home is his castle...unless he leaves the ******' front gates to it open and unlocked!" :s

    And you are not a "moron"...a moron would have been the recipient of a Summons issued during another visit from the police for the very reasons outlined above. ;)

    But I'd nevertheless bet you won't do that again! :D

    TM
     
  4. iso_55

    iso_55 Member

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    SR, we all do things we scratch our heads for later. While what happened was a bit traumatic, it looks like it had a happy ending so be thankful that you had a neighbour who cared enough to call the cops because he was concerned. It could have been much worse.
     
  5. Rusty

    Rusty Member

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    That's a good story. Happy to hear things turned out well for you. I wish I knew that you were a collector of .50 cal rounds ect.... I just gave away all my spent casings. I had 105 rounds, 20mm, .50 Cal, everything. I will be in Calgary this summer, if I have any left do you want them?
     
  6. Stamps Rule

    Stamps Rule Member

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    Yep. I feel like quite the idiot. :D
     
  7. Stamps Rule

    Stamps Rule Member

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    I was surprised that they didn't make an issue out of anything that they "saw".

    I'm sure that any idiot could have determined that the grenade on my shelf was fake.

    If these same circumstances had happened to someone in that Province, I don't think the police would have been as casual as they were; so god bless Alberta. ;)
     
  8. Stamps Rule

    Stamps Rule Member

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    No, I'm alright, thanks. You give them out / sell them to whoever is interested.

    I have the .50cal casings, but it's not something that I really go out of my way to collect; they just look cool. :)
     
  9. Rusty

    Rusty Member

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    I don't sell them. If your a Stamps fan I will go out of my way to help though.
     
  10. Rids

    Rids Member

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    Question Rusty....what are you shooting at with a .50 cal?
     
  11. deuvl

    deuvl Moderator
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    I once lost a dog on a surgery table while neutering it without noticing he stopped breathing until it was too late in 2004. Been the world's stupidest man ever since so don't feel too bad about yourself.
     
  12. iso_55

    iso_55 Member

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    I once tried to kill a spider with a lighter when I was 19 & almost burned my parents house down. Luckily, I put the fire in the carpet out. I never recovered my intelligence since that day. Stupid spider for just being there. And that bottle of rum was so retarded for being out on the kitchen counter... Oh yeah, burnt my thumb too. Idiot lighter.
     
  13. Tundra Mustang

    Tundra Mustang Moderator
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    The Taliban...;)

    TM
     

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